XO, Isabel

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Acts of Kindness – #KindnessProject

January 11, 20142 Comments

http://www.pinterest.com/unicornplanet1/

With Leo’s due date being today, January 11, 2014, I had been wanting to do something to honor his memory. I decided that I would carry out Random Acts of Kindness during the week leading up to his due date.

Doing this and asking others about Acts of Kindness has inspired me to find a way to be conscious of this at all times. But, what has become apparent, is that I am not so sure that we’re often able to recognize and then recall Acts of Kindness bestowed upon us. I’m meditating on this and how to find a practical way to both recognize and acknowledge these moments of kindness. More to come on this topic.

That being said, losing my son has been quite the learning experience for me. I am thankful for the journey or the willingness to learn and grow from the tragedy of losing my son. I am finding that my being kind to others (and myself!) that I am able to feel more connected to his spirit. The idea that he only knew love and my own heart, it seems fitting that his calling card should be Kindness.

Please consider making a Random Acts of Kindness list for 2014. See how many of them you can complete. Or, consider getting a group of friends together and make your own lists and then exchange them. Try and complete some of each other’s acts. Or, make a list with your children and/or family. I guarantee you will be astounded by the way it makes you feel to do kind things for others. The world needs more of this – if only to allow for us to recognize and appreciate kindness all around us.

We live in a self-centered world. Let’s change that.

Here are some inspiring quotes & ideas to get you started:

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” – The Dalai Lama

RAK: Plant a Tree

RAK: Write a note to someone that has made an impact in your life, even for a moment. Recognize it and let them know.

“The purpose of life is a life of purpose.” – Robert Byrne

RAK: Open up a phone book or choose someone in your neighborhood and send them a greeting card.

RAK: Appreciate YOURSELF as an act of kindness. Treat yourself to something you have held back on.

“What you deny to others will be denied to you, for the plain reason that you are always legislating for yourself; all your words and actions define the world you want to live in.” – Thaddeus Golas

RAK: Give another driver your parking spot.

RAK: Pick up litter.

“Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom.” – Theodore Isaac Rubin

Here’s the small list of things that I did this week (only to inspire you and MYSELF to continue this practice).

– Bought a young foster child her very first bike through OneSimpleWish.org
– Paid for Someone’s lunch (co-worker)
– Donated books for children that need them through FirstBook.org
– Paid for Someone’s dinner (stranger)
– Donated diapers & wipes to HomelessPrenatal.org
– Paid for someone’s birthday cake! (I spoke to the baker at Safeway and we found a cake on order for a Baby’s 1st Birthday. I left a card for when they picked up the cake today)
– Couple’s massages scheduled for US. (It’s difficult to be kind to yourself when you are grieving, it’s a MUST, however)
– I’m hoping to do a few more today when we’re out and about, including being extra generous to our massage therapists and perhaps paying for someone’s movie ticket!

January 11, 2014 is sort of my own New Year’s Day. May this year be better than the last.

XO, Isabel

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Filed Under: Kindness Project Tagged: #KindnessProject, #LeoRAK, baby loss, Babyloss, leo, miscarriage, stillbirth, stillborn

My first funeral

November 2, 20132 Comments

I was thinking about my first funeral the other day. My initial thoughts were that for most people, their first funeral was more than likely a grandparent or an elder relative. A small survey amongst my friends confirmed for me that this mostly holds true. I also found that for most, their first funeral was at around the age of eight or nine.

I am the exception. My first funeral was not a grandparent or an elder relative. I lost two of my grandparents before I was born, and my third after only meeting him once and at the age of five. I was thankful to have my Abuelita (grandmother in Spanish) until 2008. I have been to many, many funerals in my life. Most were lives cut tragically short. My first funeral is no exception. I will describe what this was like, but not before warning you. You should not continue reading if death is disturbing to you, especially if it involves a baby.

You’ve been warned.

I was about eight years old when I went to my first funeral. So far, we’re in the realm of averages for funeral attendance. Here’s where it all ends: My first funeral was for a young woman and her stillborn baby. I can’t even remember this young woman’s name. I cannot recall if her baby girl was given a name, either. I cannot even remember her husband’s name. But, I can remember the name of their daughter that was left to live with the aftermath of losing her mother at the age of four. I remember her little face filled with sorrow and confusion. Her bob haircut and bangs there were cut bluntly across her forehead, just like mine were.

Her mother was in her mid to late 20’s. I’m pretty sure she was around 24 – 26 years of age. She was a Jehovah’s Witness, as I was when I was a kid. She belonged to our congregation and was full-term when she went into labor with her second daughter. Her baby died. All that I know is that she had severe bleeding, beyond that I am unsure as to what exactly happened. However, since she was a Jehovah’s Witness she would have signed a legal medical directive to refuse all blood transfusions. A blood transfusion or blood substitute could have saved her life, but since I am not privy to the details, I can’t say for certain. It was her deeply held belief and it more than likely was a contributing cause to her death. I could write a lot more about what I think about this, out of respect for her choice and her life and others I know, I will not.

NO-BLOOD-TRANSFUSION

So, there is the context in which I attended my first funeral at the age of eight. It was an open casket funeral with a lot of mourners. The woman had beautiful dark hair, much like the baby in her arms and the daughter she left behind. I remember she was wearing a pretty dress and her baby, with its blue and dry little lips, was cradled in her arms. Forever.

This image has stuck with me all these years. Those images. It’s sort of hard to erase them from your mind. It was traumatic. Even now, I can’t shake that sense of sadness for that little girl left behind. The longing in her eyes for her mother to come back to her. I have no idea what ever happened to that little girl. Her father remarried rather quickly and had more children, too. The hair color of the family always stuck with me because that little girl’s new stepmom had blonde hair. And her new little half-siblings had very light hair. It was a reinforcement that she was the only thing left behind from her mother’s union to her father.

This funeral introduced me to the fact that babies died sometimes. That mothers could die, too.

Later, I would discover that my great-grandmother also died during childbirth and left behind several children, including a very small child that had Down Syndrome and was completely dependent on his mother. They say he died of a broken heart after her passing. Or maybe it’s just that no one knew how to meet his needs and care for him in the 1920’s in Mexico.

Over the years, I’d attend many more funerals. Accidents. A shooting. Cancer. Accidental overdose. Heart attacks. And many more accidents. But even now as an adult, I don’t think I could ever be prepared for a mother and child together in death. It is a sorrow of the deepest kind. More than I can even imagine. For something that was meant to bring so much joy, it was marked with incredible grief and trauma.

I guess the only advice I can give, thanks to one of my friends that is a Funeral Director, is to talk to your children about death when appropriate. If there is a death in the family or someone in your community, talk to your child about death and the funeral process and rituals. Give your child a choice as to whether or not they would like to attend. Respect his or her wishes. And then talk some more. Keep the line open to speak about death and relieve any fears he or she might have. Death is a part of life. It’s a cycle and we will all face it in one way or another. Having a healthy perspective on this part of life will only help your child in the long run.

XO, Isabel

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Filed Under: Faith & Spirituality, Stillbirth Tagged: death, funeral, stillborn

Hello. my name is Isabel and this blog is all about my experiences dealing with infertility, recurrent pregnancy loss, and our new adventure as intended parents in our surrogacy journey. Also, a little bit of everything else in my life. Welcome! read more...

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