This time it was different. My previous losses always happened so very early. Before the world could know. Before my body changed outwardly enough to even have a clue as to my delicate state.
This time it was different. This time, we did all the “right” things and waited until we were past the first trimester before announcing to the world (AKA Facebook) that we were expecting.
This time it was different. I picked out 3 pairs of shoes out so that I could photograph them and add my own creative twist on our pregnancy announcement.
This time it was different. I felt morning sickness. I felt him move. We saw his little heartbeat. It was strong. It was as strong as a Lion’s.
This time it was different. We knew what we were having. All the little ones before were mostly a mystery. Only a whisper of a dream. What-ifs and what-nots.
This time it was different. I had a bump. A very real bump. I had only started to embrace this dream. Embrace my growing belly and who was inside.
This time it was different. I went on a shopping spree for maternity clothes. My shirts were too short to cover the stretchy panel of my maternity jeans. I had to put them all away. I think “maybe I can use them next time” but, admit, I’m not sure if there will be a next time.
This time it was different. It’s a BOY!
This time was different. We had picked out his name. His name is Leonardo. Leo. Our son, always & forever.
XO, Isabel
I’m so sorry for your loss Isabel, and Randy’s too. I can’t know how you must feel specifically. But I supported my wife through several losses. Sometimes it’s hard to explain to people that sense of loss you have for a relationship that never really got its start. It was years before I even told my wife my feelings and sadness. I hope that Randy is smarter than I and that you find strength and comfort together.
Thank you for your kind words, Michael.
I think of you so often Isabel.My heart aches for you. I could relate to every word of this post. The loss is hard enough with out having to face starting completely over after coming so far. I hope that you do find the strength to try again. You know my story. If I had given up, the world would be missing out on Judd. Of course, I am a huge advocate for adoption too though. I will support you and help you in any way that I can, no matter what you decide. Take some time for the grieving process. You will know when you are ready to proceed. Keep talking to us through this blog, I think it is more therapeutic than you know…..and not just for you.
Thank you, Sheri. I always remember your sons and your story. You have always given me hope and you always will. xo
Hi Isabel,
You don’t know me, but I found your blog via pinterest. You are so strong. How amazing of you to be so vulnerable and give your heart so freely to your babies and to the world. I just had a miscarriage myself and I know that nothing can soothe the ache. Sending loving thoughts your way today.
Hello and pleased to meet you Laci. I’m so very sorry for your loss. If you ever need someone to talk to me, please reach out. xo