It’s been 904 days. 129 weeks and 1 day. 2 years, 5 months, 21 days. It’s been that long since our Leo died. And during that time, we’ve experienced so many different emotions. Highs and lows, a lot of lows. But the highs were all the more meaningful. Our hearts broke. They broke wide open. They have broken wide open to the possibility of something new. A little spark of hope for a miracle that never did die. For the two of us, it has meant a lot of soul-searching. A lot of late-night pillow talk about our dreams and hopes and the what-in-the-hell-do-we-do-next talks.

Well, we’ve decided. After much thought and consideration (and a lot of hard work), we have opted to pursue IVF in hopes of creating embryos. And then we hope those embryos will be carefully transferred to a woman we have yet to meet. A Gestational Carrier. A dream-come-true. Our hope. Our gift-giver. A surrogate mother for our maybe-baby. Our bun, her oven.

The process is complicated. It’s scary. It’s filled with excitement. It’s filled with terror! Yet, this is what we’re doing. We’re doing it, guys. WE. ARE. DOING. IT! And we’re about to get started very soon! In just a matter of weeks, we’ll begin the IVF process. This will entail lots of testing. Lots of injections and other medications. And lots of visits to our Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). Blood draws. Lots of ovarian monitoring. A minor surgical procedure for an egg retrieval. Then, we’re going to fertilize those eggs (he has the easy part!) And then we’re going to wait. We’re going to wish and hope that those little things turn into 100-cell embryos. And then we’re going to test those embryos via something called PGD. All in hopes that we can select the most viable little embryo(s) to transfer to a gestational surrogate that will carry the greatest gift we’ve ever known.

You see, I’ve had a history of recurrent pregnancy loss. I’ve lost five (5) babies already. Most of you reading this know our little lion, Leo. He reminded me just how much I have yearned to be a mama. And he, most of all, made me a mom. And, I’d like to take that one step further, and mother our own little babe here in the flesh. And, because I’ve had so many losses that have never really been explained, we are giving this all that we’ve got. We’re testing my chromosomes – karyotyping – to ensure that my DNA isn’t a tiny bit broken, especially since Leo was diagnosed with XYY Syndrome after his death. We’re going all the way.

We hope that you’ll join us along this journey. Making a baby is supposed to be simple and natural. I realize that this may be far from what you have experienced or know, and we can’t thank you enough for your support. Things haven’t come very easy to us in this department. But, we’re ready. We’re ready for our Rainbow Baby.

xo.